Hilarious NPCs

[The Black Arrow]

What is the most hilarious thing you've witnessed a NPC saying or doing?

For me, it was in Cheydinhal during the quest "Corruption and Conscience" when Aldos Othran goes to get his house back and the following words are exchanged with a city guard:

Othran: This is my house, get out of the way! MOVE, I say!
City Guard: Sir, this property has been seized by his Lordship, the Count of Cheydinhal. Please leave immediately.
Othran: I said "MOVE", or by my ancestors, I'll put you on the ground with a split lip! (chuckle #1 came here)
City Guard: I must warn you that threatening a city guard is an offense punishable by a fine of no less than fifty gold. Pay it, or be jailed.
Othran: You s'wit (an interesting insult I have taken to using), how dare you?! Ulrich be damned! He can take his fine and stuff it up his backside! (the lol came there.)
City Guard: You've been warned. You are now under arrest, come with me!
Othran: I'll go nowhere with you, fetcher, NO WHERE!

Then they fight.

[Tom]

Heh, that's petty funny. I have one, too. I've already mentioned it in another topic, but it applies here. Once, I was in my home in Bravil and a guard came in, looked at me and said something like "We're here to serve," and then he walked into my bedroom, took off his armor, and laid in my bed and went to sleep. Then, I waited an hour, and when the waiting was over he got up out of my bed, put his armor back on, and walked out. Odd happenings.

[The Black Arrow]

XD That reminds me!

I was in Leyawin, and I think I had stolen something that tipped my bounty over the "arrest-on-sight" edge and (of course) I resisted arrest and the guards started chasing me. I ended up running ALL THE WAY back to the Imperial City and waited about 6 in-game hours for Armand to show up. (He was LATE as well. Turned up at 3am! That s'wit!) Then I paid off my bounty and went about my business. Yet, the guards were still chasing me. I was like "Wtf?!" and glancing over my shoulder ever minute thinking an Imperial Guard was going to buttonhole me in an alley or something. So I went about my day, buying spells and my first house (Yay!) and I come out of the Office of Commerce to see a Leyawin guard running up to me! He chased me all that way...(O___o) So, he gets in my face and says: "Yes?" Like I came running up to HIM! Just to test him I asked him where I could sleep and he gave me legitimate Imperial City hotels and Inns. (Bummer, I wanted him to give me Leyawin locations! That would've been teh lulz.) Then I exited the dialog menu and he simply walks away, back to Leyawin, I assume, but still. He looked WAY out of place in his yellow cuiress (sp) armor, amongst all of that gunmetal gray iron armor.

Silly City Guards.

[Tom]

He chased me all that way...(O___o) So, he gets in my face and says: "Yes?" Like I came running up to HIM!

Oh, this happens to me all the time. I fast-travel into Bravil with my Gray Fox helmet on a lot because it fortifies my feather so I can carry more. Well, I always run away from the guards, place all of my items in my chest in my Bravil house so that my used feather decreases, and then I take off the Gray Fox helmet and go outside to see 3 guards chasing me from when I had the Gray Fox helmet on. Then, they come up to me and just say "Protect and server, it's what we do." This is definitely a glitch with the game, but I find it quite funny. Due to the fact that I fast-travel into Bravil with my Gray Fox helmet on a lot, I see this happen very often.

[The Black Arrow]

I need to finish up the Theives Guild questline so I can try that! I had been putting it off because of my dog, but Teinaava helped me with that so hopefully I will be finishing it soon...But I HAVE to try that xD

[Tom]

I'll take a video of it sometime and upload it to YouTube. That way you can see how funny it is to do it the way I do.

[The Black Arrow]

XD Please do! I have some videos I need to upload...I got one of Shadowmare tackling a unicorn! It was kinda funny because when I saw it I said "Ooh! Unicorn!" and tired to pet it. Then it tried to skewer me! D; But I am not a pure person so I guess that's about right...

OH! Another funny NPC moment:

Matthieu Bellamont: What... What is that? Is that a...a head?! No... No, it can't be... I... Um...Sorry, Speaker... I'm... distracted...

It was the way he said it all weakly and in shock/disbelief xD

[Xavier]

I hate how you take off the Gray Fox helmet and then the guards come up to you and they are like: "What is it now?" or "What do you want!"

Like, you came up to me, nub.

[imdave]

XD Please do! I have some videos I need to upload...I got one of Shadowmare tackling a unicorn! It was kinda funny because when I saw it I said "Ooh! Unicorn!" and tired to pet it. Then it tried to skewer me! D; But I am not a pure person so I guess that's about right...

OH! Another funny NPC moment:

Matthieu Bellamont: What... What is that? Is that a...a head?! No... No, it can't be... I... Um...Sorry, Speaker... I'm... distracted...

It was the way he said it all weakly and in shock/disbelief xD

Yeah I stumbled upon the unicorn on my first playthrough and rode about on it for a while, it was a bit skittish. It ran off chasing a deer I then found it much later on dead by the side of the road

Pretty much anything Sheogorath says in the Shivering Isles is funny.
"Jyggalag! He is the Prince of Order. Or biscuits...no, Order!"
"...And I HATE IT when people gather forces in m' Fringe! "
"Go talk to Haskill, he's got more brains than a brain pie...hmmmm...brain pie... perfect!! Care to donate???"

[Hope of Sparta]

It took me awhile to figure this out. wELL, you know when you install Spell tomes, after some time, a conjurer attempts to ambush you? Well, I was up near frostcrag when it happened. I saved at a nearby campsite and then FT to the Imperial city. When I get there, I see imperial soldiers running away from me and and I hear battle music. I just stood their for a moment, re-loaded my game and repeated the process. Again, the guards kept running, so I decided to follow them. We ran, and ran, and ran, and ran some more. We didn't stop running until we came to that very campsite where a conjurer waited to kill me. Unfortunately, the guards killed him and then turned back home. Later on, I reloaded that previous save and decided to wait instead of FT. The conjurer ambushed me an hour later.