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My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby Sithis » June 13th, 2009, 9:10 pm

Teinaava wrote:
Sithis wrote:don't forget to use a daedric quest(use a "good" daedric quest though since you are supposed to be good, I guess. That would narrow it down to Azura, Nocturnal, Clavicus Vile[maybe] and Vaermina.]

I wouldn't really consider Vaermina to be a good daedra, as her sphere is the "realm of dreams and nightmares, and from whose realm issues forth evil omens." Also, the book On Oblivion says that her sphere is torture and that she is "among the most consistently “demonic” of the Daedra, in the sense that [her] sphere seems to be destructive in nature."


Eh...I find her to be more amoral if anything. Sure she is evil but she is also good in some aspects. And since the quest you do for her in Oblivion is not exactly harmful to anything, other than you own sanity, I would suggest it. In fact, it also gives a bit of symbolism for the game. I mean, people will serve the Nine Divines, but at the same time, you don't want to screw with the Daedric Princes, as they also have a hold over the fates of citizens in one way or another(in fact, their presence is more noticable as well, which can also can explain why some people worship them). However, you don't want the hero of the story to start offing other people in villages or causing massive chaos, it just would just make the story itself very skewed...I mean you are helping the Emperor and the Blades(you have to keep moral connotations consistent...unless you can somehow change them over the course of the story via numerous literary tools)
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby Orion The Free » June 19th, 2009, 7:36 am

Its a good start. As in its a good start for writing practice. While some ppl may be suprised by the "its not half done" statement, I'm not that impressed. If I was to give this an honest rating out of 10, I would probably give it a 4.5, in a grading scale, D-. Reasons: Unoriginal plot, shallow characters (need more internal dialogue, more emotion of what they are thinking, I know that doesn't make very much sense), needs more environmental detail and description (for instance, when the protaganist went into the first room with the skeleton, the description made me feel like I was playing D&D), most of the plot is unchanged. Basically, it seems like all you did was take the game and put it in words. That is what is known as plagarism. Now I 'm not saying your a bad writer, your better than alot of things I read on forum posts like this, but the problem is that you are trying to write with a flawed plot/subject. Keep at it, and if I were you, change the plot. You can use the world of Tamriel, just make your own story.
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby The Ninja » June 19th, 2009, 4:34 pm

Is no one listening to me?! I'm taking my playthrough of Oblivion and trying to make it theatrical, to help draw other peoploe who read this to playing the game themselves. So heck yes I'm going to use the Main Quest. That is what the entire game is about, I mean, why is it called the "Main" quest?

As for description, I'll work on that... You said that the room with the skeleton needed the most work?
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby Sithis » June 21st, 2009, 11:20 am

Orion The Free wrote:Its a good start. As in its a good start for writing practice. While some ppl may be suprised by the "its not half done" statement, I'm not that impressed. If I was to give this an honest rating out of 10, I would probably give it a 4.5, in a grading scale, D-. Reasons: Unoriginal plot, shallow characters (need more internal dialogue, more emotion of what they are thinking, I know that doesn't make very much sense), needs more environmental detail and description (for instance, when the protaganist went into the first room with the skeleton, the description made me feel like I was playing D&D), most of the plot is unchanged. Basically, it seems like all you did was take the game and put it in words. That is what is known as plagarism. Now I 'm not saying your a bad writer, your better than alot of things I read on forum posts like this, but the problem is that you are trying to write with a flawed plot/subject. Keep at it, and if I were you, change the plot. You can use the world of Tamriel, just make your own story.



Wow you just stole my whole ****ing critique...well at least you agree with me on this, so it's cool.

As for ninja, try reading some of the contest entries for the fan fiction thing that happened a year ago. One of the winners had a brilliant prologue to the actual game itself. It include Uriel Septim talking to Ocato and preparing his escape. I will have to post the link later.
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby The Raven » June 22nd, 2009, 8:21 pm

The Ninja wrote:
And I bet that this story is better than Eregon. I just hated how predictable that movie was.

Yeah, Eregon sucked. Your story was probably better than Eregon.

But Eragon? Eragon Movie? Noooway.
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby The Ninja » June 23rd, 2009, 8:15 pm

The Eragon movie was to fast paced. If they slowed it down a bit, and not rush through events, it would have been WAY better.

Example:

Right off the bat, the dragon turns humongus after hatching. Okay, not instantly, but after eating a rat and sleeping.
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby The Raven » June 23rd, 2009, 10:13 pm

The Ninja wrote:The Eragon movie was to fast paced. If they slowed it down a bit, and not rush through events, it would have been WAY better.

Example:

Right off the bat, the dragon turns humongus after hatching. Okay, not instantly, but after eating a rat and sleeping.

Well, do you want to spend 3+ months in a cinema watching the movie?
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby Tom » June 23rd, 2009, 11:05 pm

Just to clarify... how long was this movie?
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby Xavier » June 23rd, 2009, 11:59 pm

104 minutes.

1 Hour and 44 Minutes.
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Re: My TES Story: editing, suggestions, etc.

Postby The Ninja » June 24th, 2009, 12:22 am

No, but I'm just saying that there should be a little more of a transition than:

Dragon hatches,
Dragon eats rat,
Dragon sleeps,
Dragon wakes up the next morning and flys high into the sky then instantly transforms into a perfectly literate and grown dragon (Except for the fire breathing).

TOPIC!!! What other side quests are good to add and when?
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